I was thinking today, and it wasn't a normal day for me. Today has been so humble. It's just in the air.. it's one of those days you wanna wrap up in a big hoodie, and go home to gramma's cookin'. And I was sitting outside, no one was with me just out in Tulsa, haha. And I was thinking.. my old "smile".
Last night during my show me and Trace, my brother, gotta sing Hovering for the first time on stage. And I was thinking.. I remember singing and having the biggest, truest smile on my face. And it hit me.. I might not smile ALL THE TIME, like I did back in the day that i HAD my "smile".. but on stage, I do. I never realized that on stage, my smiles are the most real they can get. They are the truest smiles I have. So much so that I don't even realize I'm smiling half the time, my heart takes over my face, HA! ( THat's an ORIGINAL Miley quote, feel free to use. "My heart takes over my face when I smile!" - Miley Cyrus. ;) and it's just wonderful because I didn't think I had it anymore.
My truest smile, I remember back in 2007 things were perfect. PERFECT. I had everything I ever needed, I had everyone I needed, and no one hated me. There was no "Anti Miley" there was no "I HATE MILEY CYRUS" crap. There wasn't BAD rumors, there wasn't anything like that.. people actually LIKED me, HA! (Although I'm half tempted to go to Perez Hilton 2007 and check, cause I'm sure he hated me back then too!)And I smiled. I was happy ALL the time.. there was NO bringing me down. I was HAPPY.
And now I realize, when I'm on stage, I'm THAT person. My heart is back in 2007, my mind is in the music and my passion, my drive, my LOVE for life is THERE. It's on fire and it's happy and it's energy and just.. embracing me. I look out at those fans faces, and I just notice how truly blessed I am. Because I truly am. Right now... my heart is so happy. I honestly can't stop smiling. And I laugh, because those people "hating" me, obsessing, trying to make my life hell, it's funny. Because I'm still THIS happy, THIS at peace.
It's true, for a while I was living for blogs. I was living for rumors. I was living for gossip sites. ANd now I'm living for me, and it's made me my happiest. I feel like I'm in 2007 again.
No.. scratch that, I feel like I'm as happy as I used to be, but with more knowledge, more FEELING toward it. I'm HAPPY.
I want everyone to read that, understand it, and don't think it's a "mask" or whatever... I. AM. HAPPY... TRULY HAPPY.
And it's the best feeling in the WORLD. I don't even know what to type anymore because it's honestly just indescribable how happy and amazed I am at how much GOD can do for me.
I am so blessed to have the friends I have that hold my hand and stay with me so long. Mandy, Demi, Paige, Nick, Cory, Ashley (TheHeartOfMiley), Ashley T, Ashlee Nino, all of my amazing dance friensd, Denika, Scott, Mitchel, just.. everyone. They're absolutely SO amazing to me and I'm just beyond blessed. Karina! Lanie! just all of them.
I don't CARE about people saying "Oh no, you're not blah blah blah", it's not true. I'm done living for people like that.
I was talking to Ash (THOM) yesterday, and we were talking about a specific person and she was like "UGH! They're SO annoying!" ( and duh I was too) and I just stopped and was like "I don't even care. If they want to spend their life hunting me down and trying to make my life hell, let them." because it's HAPPINESS for me to knwo that Im' not living for that, I'm BEYOND that, I'm ABOVE that. If you wanna hate on me, if you wanna try and waste your life hurting mine, BE MY GUEST. Because ten years from now, looking back I'M not gonna be the one going "Man! I wish I was doing something to better myself while I was trying to bring her down!" because you probably won't even HEAR about me anymore at that point. You will do NOTHIGN to me, and my life will turn out AMAZING and I will be HAPPY, and you'll be regretting it.
Last night I was in a funk, just for about 20 minutes. And I was just like "What if this doesn't work.. what if I'm alone forever. What if I become nothing." and I know that's not true. I live through GOD, in his light and in his path and he'd never let me be unhappy. And Im' not. And I have faith in that. And I am not afraid, whatsoever, of the future.
2007.. is just a chapter in the story of my life. A huge one of course, and one I'll never regret, and never forget.. but it's just a chapter. And later in life, I can read back on it.. and maybe a few people from that chapter will be with me to look back on it too. But until then I'm just taking it step by step, enjoying everything and every moment. Whether I'm "tweeting" it.. or not.
I am happy. I am dreaming. I am loving. I am in FAITH.
My smile might not come out in paparatzi shots. It might not be in gossip magazine pictures. It might not be in my "emo quotes", it might not be even behind closed doors... but my smile IS in my music. It's in my performance. It's in my PASSION, my DREAM, my LIFE. My love.
I'm not living for people, I'm not living for anyone but myself and GOD. And I love it.
And to a specific person, that probably will never read this, thank you. For making me who I am, for loving me, for making me smile when I didn't think I had it in me anymore. For making me love you. For making me believe in myself, and for making me believe I can do anything. And for always, ALWAYS, catching me when I fall. I love you.
Thank you to everyone for reading, and if you don't like this blog... suck it. =]
I'm going to bed SMILING tonight, and I hope you all do too.
- ► 2010 (47)