First of all, anyone sends this blog into gossip sites or anything I will be obligated to shut down all sources of any contact ENTIRELY with ya'll.
So, it's been a while since I've truly blogged, I did decide to quit but something in me keeps telling me that I should.
I just went to write about updates then erased it. Warning: there will be NO updates in this blog! Just what is on my heart!
I just got through with a Thanksgiving break I had in my hometown. That was uh-mazing. I got some special time with some family, old friends, and made amazing memories. I ate tons ( right now I am actually STARVING! I need me some corn nuggets! =) and tons of food, had a wonderful time playing games outside with the family, and quality time with some special people. I actually went through and watched every last Miley & Mandy video! And now I miss my bestie more than anything, but it really smacked me in the face. We've grown up so fast.
It seems like yesterday I was dying my hair black, asking Mandy if she wanted to be best friends. I can't believe such time has passed since that first video, dancing to Janet Jackson. I go back and I look at my face, and the love in my eyes from episode one, to the very latest episode saying good-bye to twitter. Seeing the heartbreak on my face, that no one seemed to notice when we came. But while there was heartbreak, I've also never smiled like I have with Mandy.
No matter what's going on in my life, that girl has been there through everything. And no matter how many episodes we set up, my smiles were all genuine. And there hasn't been an episode yet that I haven't smiled my face off. I owe a lot to Mandy, the healing of a heart break, the warm embrace of a new love, the oppurtunities, and the learning of how to open my arms TO those new oppurtunities and to people that will never truly leave my life. and accepting them back into my heart.
Seeing the time go by, the friends that have come and gone, even the romances, it's all a blur. A blur that I can remember every single second of. But all of those heart breaks, all of those smiles, all of those good-bye's have lead me to where I am today. I truly believe I am my happiest. ( How many times have I said THAT before?!) but it's true. Being 17, I'll have a lot of happiness, and happiests, it's a ladder right now.. All of that someday, hopefully and prayerfully, ending in a family and a marriage, a strong family, friends and support and a love stronger than any boundaries. And who knows, maybe who I have fallen so hard for now, may be that same person.
I have seen so many sunsets, so many endings to days, but now the sunset holds so much more. Everytime I see a sunset I will remember those days on Tybee Island, filming The Last Song this summer. The greatest experience of my life. That was my dream summer, I met the most amazing people, and made some strong relationships that I hope will never fall. And that was where I learned who I, myself, was. That's where I found myself, that's where I learned who I REALLY am... and where I hope to see myself 10 years from now. This summer was like a fairytale, it all ended so quickly but I will always have in my heart the feeling of smiling, truly SMILING, there. And whoever it was that caused those smiles. The feelings.
I remember getting to Tybee, not knowing anyone, being completely alone. Just me and my mom. No one trying to show off infront of me, no one treating me differently. It was scary... to say the least. But starting out being hurt and heart broken, leaving my home, being afraid, and intimidated. Being surrounded by complete strangers that held my entire summer in their hands. And those summer nights, gazing into eyes that I will never and never DID forget. Falling in love, all over again.
So many people look down on me.. Say that I don't know what love is, say that I'm too young to know. And that's fine, I don't mind what they say because I know what my heart says. Anytime that I have ever loved someone it's taken time, it's molded. This summer, I felt what it was like to have someone you love, and truly fall in love at first sight... a million times. Even if "first sight" wasn't first. But a first sight can also be seeing someone for who they've become. And through those transitions. Love at first sight, is love at first glimpse of the heart, not the face.
Knowing eyes, having them memorized over such a long period of time, but literally falling in love everytime you see them, again and again and again and again... And I have, every day before, and now every day after. And I have faith that the feeling will last for a very long time.
It's so funny, to see people thinking that I have ever dated for publicity. Been friends with someone for publicity. When the truth is, no one really knows what my life is about other than me, the "dating"... it's all assumptions. I'm not dating for publicity, people are assuming who I'm with and I'm keeping my private life private. And to them, that's 'publicity'. No one knows my life, my life is PRIVATE. finally. And I wouldnt' change that for the world. I love having something, someone, that's mine. All mine. And the world doesn't have the inside look on it.. there aren't "insiders" between two people. So the rumors, think what you will of them. Believe what you want. At the end of the day I am a 17 year old girl. And my personal life, is personal.
I should probably stop blogging because this is SOOOOO long. But I really just felt the need to get these things out there. To speak my mind, and to speak my heart about these things.
No matter what bumps are in the road, I am still living my life. I am living my dream. Music is still and will always be my reason to breathe. And being able to share that is all I've ever asked. I don't ask for people to assume who I'm dating, I don't ask for cameras to stalk me 24/7 when I'm doing something stupid like getting my nails done. I don't ask for people to think I'm fighting some of my best friends when we're closer than we've ever been... all I've ever asked is to accept me for who I am, no matter who that may be from year to year. Reinventing myself, chhanging myself, no matter who I am. I ask that you accept that... and music IS me. My music is my heart.
Thank you for reading this,
P.S. the best feeling is smiling so much that your cheeks hurt and go numb. that's the best pain that you could ever ask for.
P.S. I love you. No matter what anyone thinks I think it means.